Mia famiglia

I had one of those family obligation lunch things over the weekend. My parents dragged the thing out for ages waiting for me to be available to attend. Even though I didn't know the guest we were treating, my uncle's friend's kid who is now working in Singapore. I kept telling my mom to just go ahead with the lunch. My presence is entirely superfluous. Besides I'm no fan of the uncle so by proxy I'm no fan of whoever he knows.

But he's about your age, so you both will have more in common to talk about.

Oh.

I don't think I need to translate that little bit of parental double-speak.

If there is ever a topic that is out-of-bounds between me and the rents, this is it. My mom used to lament that her friends were always asking after me, and that she doesn't know what to say. What's it to them anyway that it is any of their business? I told her to tell her friends that I was into women so if they knew anyone.... Suffice to say mom didn't think that was very funny. Gah. People are so humour-impaired around here.

My friend Ms. MB often talks about how she and her sister feel guilty that neither of them have been able to give their parents the Singapore equivalent of the happy family with a white picket fence and 2.1 children. Her sister got married, went through an acrimonious divorce, and now lives in the US, in a swanky condo paid for by her very rich Singaporean boyfriend who refuses to marry her because he comes from super old-money and his mother would never allow him to marry a "commoner" much less a divorcée. If he's ever thought of marrying her in the first place. I think watching her sister's roller-coaster ride has fueled Ms. MB's own neuroses about having to get married and having to have children. Recipe for disaster, yo.

Maybe being away for so many years in the decadent, hedonistic west has eroded my "asian values" or "moral compass" or "whatever." But it has truly never occurred to me that filial obligations extended to getting married and having kids. I mean, great if you do, but why is there guilt associated if not?

Whenever conversation at home veers dangerously close to the whole marriage and kids issue, I divert the attention to my dear brother in the US. I pray often that he gets married soon so that my parents will get suitably distracted. His current girlfriend is a doll (er... not literally of course) though mom isn't too excited about him dating a Japanese. Then again, my endorsement doesn't mean much at all because I'd throw my brother to the she-wolves if that'll get my parents out of my hair.

No hope for my other brother to take over the reins first, and my mom often asks me if he's gay. Like I'd tell even if I knew. But no, my other brother isn't gay. He's just a bit of a social misfit. Has always been, and I guess always will be. What can I say. He's a broody artist.

I suppose the timing of this lunch and the looming lunar new year festivities has gotten my mom in a right mood. For the past couple of days she'd either randomly ask why I didn't go do a doctorate (WTF? Because I didn't want to and have no interest?), or suddenly exhort me to get married. In either case, my response is to up and leave the damn room.

Talk about conversation killers.

Anyway, mom just pulled that on me again when she asked if I was tired from getting home so late tonight. Stupidly, I said that I did feel a smidge worn, and she retorted that I needed to get married. If I got married then I wouldn't be so tired.

I have no idea which circuitous path of righteous logic her mind took. But there you go. I walked out of the room. I have no time for this.

This lightning storm
This tidal wave
This avalanche, I'm not afraid
C'mon, c'mon no one can see me cry